Dear Journal (heh), I don't update as often as I should. Too bad, hm? Well, some stuff, in no real order:

It's week 3 or 4 now that Shay's "No Work = No Sex" is making a difference. From doing nothing at all related to my "chosen" profession, I'm now up to 10 weekly hours of work, and slowly working to increase that. Also, I'm working-out again, trying to get back in shape. That's week 3 that this is going on, twice weekly.

Been reading some psychology articles that press that "fake it till you make it" is a great way to keep going. Pretend to "have to" work as an artist, and you'll eventually have to when doing a real job! Also, no such thing as failure. Every time you do something you hate or don't think is good enough, is another time you learned how NOT to do things. Progress in every way ^_^

Shay's helping to no end. Encouraging me, being unreasonably proud when I'm managing the smallest things :)
Thanks babe! I appreciate it so very much! <3

As for the sex :)
Since we started this I'm always with a plus in my account. Friends suggested, and we had the same thought, that when inflation occurs we'll have to raise the prices. Not yet, but soon!
We're together 2 and half years (or so) and still find new exciting things to do in bed (sometimes out of bed too, okay?), which is rather cool, not to mention, immense fun ^_^

~

Seems like there's no mention of our second apartment together! It's almost two times bigger than our first, we have another cat instead of the bunny, and I have my own 'Studio' to work and make a mess in (not that I'm doing that enough, but, working on that!). Again, we're putting up more shelves, this time for the plants in the closed balcony, to keep them further away from the cats. :)

Going to start a sculpting course in March, instead of a failed attempt at going to a drawing course. I hope this'll be more fun, and the house will be filled with tiny, and less tiny, creations of mine.

Um, BFF hunt is still going on. Found a couple extra friends, but nothing like what I had in mind. Maybe this is enough. We'll see.

And now I must get back to work (as if, will probably go read for a couple hours, then 'do some time' late at night). Laters~ ;)

Tags: activities, decisions, psychology, sex, sy
Current Mood: amused

Been trying to find me a new best friend for a while now. Not sure it can work. People are so unresponsive! I try to get involved in their lived, help where I can, cheer up where I can't help, be there. I send specified emails and articles, I comment on FB pictures and statusi, I'm available on the phone even if my boyfriend wants to do something or I was in the middle of something. And I hardly get responses. Ever. From both male and female. WTF? What does one have to do to capture someone like, um, me, for example...

I know it's not a "natural" thing to pretend you know a person since forever just so that you can call them BFF in a matter of weeks, and then see if it works for you . But srsly. Is meeting dates online natural? Is putting on make up in the morning natural? Srsly. Will no one make a real effort?

Tags: random
Current Mood: annoyed

This was added on 2012, as I archived that part from OKC:
"
I'm in TA again, living in a tiny apartment with shaystarman my boyfriend, a cat and a bunny. We added some shelves lately, and YAY for all the extra storage space for books! My comics, children's books and scifi books will finally get to live here as well :)

Started learning graphics programs on my own, using tutorials I've downloaded. It's not going too well, actually. Not because it's complicated, it really isn't, but rather because the pictures in my head are so much prettier than what I manage to get out on the paper\screen. AKA, I can't really draw. Frustrating :\

I'm playing the expansions for King's Bounty, reading (again) Death's Gate Cycle, and watching (again) Band of Brothers.

Loki is staring at me from the orange bedcover, ooooh O_O
"

Tags: random

Everything's so.. bad.
I lost my optimism, I lost my drive, I hate more and more things about myself.

Work should get better nowadays, but I feel so bad that I can't bring myself to get there. Missed 2-3 shifts already cause of the bad mood. I also suck with sales and with ppl. At least the ppl I work with seem to like me. Some of straight guys said I'm hot. It's nice, but looking in the mirror I don't like what Isee, again.

In a few days I'll go to the doc, maybe things will get better.

But my babe still loves me even though I'm horrible. Really, really horrible.

Meh.

Tags: downmood
Current Mood: Horrible

Progress is limited. I might not make it to the deadline. On the other hand, some more interesting projects\ideas were formed as of late, so it's nicer to do the working. Sometimes.

Hrrr.

I suspect, and Shay thinks so too, that the stress\uncertainty\lack of progress are affecting my well being. My head aches, I'm tired all day long and I'm generally more sickly than usual.

But I want this. The studying experience of a 4-years long degree. The artsy environment. The tools to take the ideas out of my head and into the 2 to 4 dimentional world.

Shay says I can wait a year, and learn other things that interest me in the meanwhile. He says he'll be here for me whatever I choose to do, or not do. It is, I must say, something I was worried about. Knowing he cares more about me than about what I'm doing means a lot, makes him so much dearer to me.

Yet, stuff worries me. Not only the portfolio.

Grrrr....

Tags: activities, sy
Current Mood: tired, worried, aching
Current Music: Vivaldi - L'Inverno Allegro